Tuesday, May 6, 2014

THE MUPPETS





Kermit sat at a diner alone, poking a floating fly in his stale coffee. He looked around, the diner absent aside from the hostess. She knew him, but wasn't fond, often annoyed by his insecure-comments and strange behavior. See, Kermit wasn't the amphibian he once was, as times had changed, and some stars faded away. 

Having lost his job once years ago, Kermit pined for another big-break. It had been ten years since his last gig, and living in Fozzy's studio-apartment was beginning to grow stale--not to mention the never-ending bombardment of horrible jokes. 

Fed up, Kermit ventured out into the streets of Hollywood, destined to one day be a star. Making his rounds, he was offered various commercials, venue space, signings and more. But nothing that grabbed Kermit's heart, like the days of his past--filming large Hollywood movies with his crew. 

Kermit sighed, looking down at the one of many business cards he had been given over the course of his job-hunt. Throwing them away, he made his way back down Hollwood Blvd, and ended up back at the same diner he sat in, every night. 


Ordering a slice of apple pie and a coffee, Kermit awaited at his table until suddenly a dashing, well-dressed, business man sits down in front of him. He removes his bowler's cap, placing it on the torn, red cushioned seats of the booth.

"Name's Harvey Pine," the young man says, his hand reached out. Kermit stares at the some-what nervous hand, trailing back up to the rather confident face. He wore a thin mustache, much like a magician might, Kermit though. "I work in Hollywood," he finishes, grinning a set of perfect, bleached teeth.


Kermit lifts his nimble green hand, nearly yanked from his socket as Pine shakes it. "Pleasure to meet you, my boy," he says, the grinning fading as he pulls up his briefcase. "Do you want to know what I do in Hollywood, Kermit?" 

Kermit pauses, internally questioning how this mysterious suit knew his name. He goes to reply, but Pine is already catching up. "I make movies. Big movies, sad movies, scary movies, funny movies, and sometimes, hey, a few bad movies." his cackle rattles the booth. 

"So why did you come to see me then?" Kermit asks, looking around as if he's being set up. 

"Well, a buddy of mine overheard you meeting with one of those lousy suits over in Beverly, and nearly shit his pants! Came running to me asking if Kermit the fucking Frog was making his big comeback?" Pine slaps the table, his jaw dropped. He picks it back up, leaning in. "So are you?" 

Kermit, unloosens his collar. "I--I don't know. Maybe. No one seems to want me for a real gig anymore. Guess the times are different now." 

Pine smirks, opening the briefcase. Kermit, unable to see inside due to the top-half, tries to peak.  "Well, you're in good luck, Kermit. See, the reason why I tracked you down to this--uh," Pine looks around. "Establishment, was because I'm looking for a star for some, well, movies." 

Kermit looks intrigued. "What type?" 

Pine, his smirk made of cash now, sits up. "Well, the thing about you and your Muppets is that you're great at making one specific thing: Parodies and Spoofs. Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Back to the Future,--you get it, right Kermit? Kid's stuff, nothing fancy."

Kermit nods, feeling uncomfortable. "So what type of movies do you want us to parody?" 

Pine smiles, spinning the briefcase to Kermit. "Well, we want to try and take the Muppets down a more adult road...we're thinking darker films. More Rated R stuff. Ya' know? This is big money, Kermit. Larger audience." 

Kermit looks into the briefcase. There's a contract, with a pen awaiting Kermit's penmanship. Kermit looks up, his hand hovering over the pen. He hesitates, thinking back to the darker days. The days of no food. The days of begging for money. The things he had to do...

Kermit quickly grabs the pen and signs the contract, pushing it back to Pine. Pine retrieves his prize, his smile as large as Kermit's head. He locks it back up. "Thank you Kermit, I look forward to seeing you in our films." 

"This won't...ruin our reputation, right? I mean, we have an image to uphold as Muppets..." Kermit says, as he watches Pine stand up, placing his cap back on.

Pine smiles, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it. "Welcome to Hollywood, Kermit. Your reputation went right out the window when you signed that paper."

Kermit watches Pine as he exits the diner. Even though the two would never speak again, Kermit's new career was forever in the depths of Hollywood's hands. 

1 comment:

DukeofRandomcat said...

I love your references, such as Drive and No Country for Old Men. Do any of these other ones have some as well? I just don't know if they do and I just don't recognize them.